Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
