Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
