watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to align my fucking chakras
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
