sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
