Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize