It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
