in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
