I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
