no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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