Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
