You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
last night I used snow as a chaser
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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