u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize