Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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