dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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