Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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