OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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