I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
