there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
