if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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