I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
