U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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