The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
