I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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