How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
