Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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