What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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