Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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