I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
