Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize