No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
