I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
