She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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