that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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