I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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