After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
