Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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