I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
