I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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