i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
