You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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