I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
