Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
