let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
