Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
zippers are such a cool invention
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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