It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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