I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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