Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
