He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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