I'm sorry my penis didn't work
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
