Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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