Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
