They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
