I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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