You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
