I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
