I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
