Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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