I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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