I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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