WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize