i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
