apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
