There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
