So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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