i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just cropdusted the office
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
