He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
